Tears of Snow (Part 5 final)

[krystalkatzfics]

Title: Tears of snow

Author: krystalkatz
Rating: NC17
Length: chaptered
Genre: Au… angst, smut
Pairings: Matsumoto Jun/Ninomiya Kazunari,
Disclaimer: I only own the plot

Nino stared at him wondering if he was insane, he wanted to say more but his mind was swimming and his body started to ache again, he gripped the table for support flinching when Matsu… Ohno came forwards “Stay there…”

“Kazu, you met me before…” Matsu told him slowly “We met briefly at Satoshi-nii’s funeral” Nino’s mind swam as he searched his brain trying to remember back to the funeral three years ago, he vision became blurry and he sank to the floor. At the time he had been a complete mess, he had only managed to get there at all because of Aiba. He was aware that someone had been in touch with Ohno’s family, he could remember a frail looking woman who hadn’t even bothered to look at him, a man that had glared once and then turned away and then a boy that had stood further apart from them staring at the coffin. After the actual funeral he had told Aiba to go for a bit and he had sat staring out over the ocean, he had picked that spot because Ohno loved the ocean. The snow crunched under his feet as he headed toward the fence that surrounded the temple, he hadn’t been thinking he had just wanted to be with Ohno again. Before he realised it he had gotten over the fence and was hanging over the edge of a cliff

“The fall won’t kill you…” A muffled voice said and Nino turned to see the young guy from earlier sniffing into a light purple handkerchief, his cheeks damp with tears, Nino was startled for a moment and then sank to his knees his hands sinking into the cold mud knowing that he was right. He couldn’t remember much about what happened after that he just remembered that the guy had held him tightly and they had cried together until Aiba had found them and took him home, he hadn’t even asked his name he remembered. He knew Ohno had a little brother, he would always talk about him with a proud smile on his face, like it was his son rather than brother but he hadn’t seen any pictures of him as Ohno didn’t have any, when he left home he hadn’t been allowed to take any of his stuff. Nino groaned his eyes fluttering open and he was mildly surprised to find himself on Matsu/Ohno’s bed with the waiter hovering over him with a concerned expression on his beautiful face “Are you okay? You fainted…”

“I’m fine” Nino snapped, more coldly than he had actually intended and the taller guy flinched back. Nino sighed looking at him as he tried to wrap his mind what was happening, he could tell it was the same person he had seen at the funeral, his hair was longer now and he looked more confident. He knew Ohno had been trying to get them to meet for a while, and he would be hurt every time the younger guy refused. Well we’ve met now, Nino though his stomach churning as he thought about it, earlier he had said that he was falling in love with the waiter and it was the truth, he only realised it when he had seen the photo it had been like a double betrayal, he couldn’t just turn off those feelings now he knew but he couldn’t understand why, why he hadn’t just told him. “Why?” He asked softly his voice barely being able to be heard in even in the quiet of the room he coughed and tried again trying to sound more confident, “Were you making fun of me?”

“What? No…”

“So, why?”

“I’ve been in love with you for four years” Matsu admitted sinking to the floor and resting his back against the bed and looking at the carpet, Nino blinked wildly “At least kind of… Nii-chan, he would always talk about you, at first it annoyed me, I mean I was happy that he was happy but I didn’t need to know every detail… I was going through a bad patch at school, and I had broken up with my girlfriend, I guess, I was jealous that my sleepy nii-chan was so happy, it was about then that he must have learnt how to send pictures… You were just as cute as he said… Before you, I swear I never even thought about another guy, but with pictures added to the stories everything became messed up and I found myself longing to hear about you… Nii-chan, he was always trying to get me to meet you but I couldn’t being in love with someone you’ve never even met before is weird but added to the fact that you’re my brothers husband… ”

“Why didn’t you just tell me who you really were?”

“I was going to… I kept telling myself that I was doing it for you and that when you were better I was going to tell you, but I couldn’t, I knew the minute you found out I would just be Satoshi’s little brother… I didn’t want that…” Nino chewed his lip looking up at the ceiling, it would be impossible to ignore the emotions in the younger guy’s voice, “When nii-chan died, I felt so guilty like I had wished him dead… I didn’t, I swear I never wished anything bad on him…”

Nino’s heart jumped when he heard the tears in Matsu’s voice, and very slowly he inched forwards and wrapped his arms around him. Matsu jumped turning to look at him “K-Kazu...” he whispered. Nino didn’t say anything just held him tightly for a while Jun cried softly. Half of him wanted to leave, to slam the door and never see him again but the other half realised it was already too late, Matsu had already gotten in too deep, it had been a long since he had admitted he needed somebody else. He thought about the time they had spent together, how much Matsu must have suffered because of him, how many emotions Matsu must have forced away, just so he could help him.

“Jun… I don’t know if… We can work, but… I want to try…” he whispered looking at the bedroom door still hugging him tightly from behind

“What?”

“You were right, earlier if you had told me who you are, I would have just treated you like Toshi’s younger brother and I wouldn’t have gotten to know you as ‘Jun’… But I was also being honest when I said I was falling in love with you… I don’t know what to do, I’m scared…” Nino admitted sighing as he tried to settle his heart “I’m really scared…”

“Me too”

“I don’t know what to do… Tell me what to do…” Nino pleaded,

“I can’t because I don’t know either…” Matsu admitted “But maybe… Maybe we could start again…”

“After everything we’ve done I think that would be somehow impossible” Nino sighed “But… I do want to get to know you properly…Why the name Matsumoto?” They spent the day in that room with Matsu telling him everything he could, most of the stories about his childhood were ones he had heard from Ohno but from a different perspective, Matsu was completely different from his brother, the only thing that was remotely similar was their seemingly inbuilt need to take care of people, some of the stories were painful and made them cry, others caused them to laugh. Maybe it was wrong, maybe people would say they were just using each other to somehow cling to Ohno but they would be wrong, Nino decided. The following days were confused and almost disjointed, his wound were healing and he knew that he had been right to give Matsu a chance, he still couldn’t call him ‘Ohno’, but he also knew there was something else he had to do. Matsu nodded slowly when he told him, the day before Christmas eve they were standing inside Nino’s apartment with bags in hands. Nino unashamedly let the tears fall as he slowly picked the clothes up from the floor putting them in to bags, Matsu didn’t comfort him but was by his side gently watching over him, with shaking hands he took the rest of the clothes out of wardrobe memories almost causing him to choke. What seemed like to soon the bedroom was clear, and all that was left was three bags of clothes, piled in the living room, the clothes in the bag that Nino had been living out was put away there were still so many memories locked away in that apartment but at least now he wasn’t trapped on that Christmas morning. After he had finished Matsu held him tightly on the bed running his hands up and down his spine while they both cried. The next morning the woke entangled on the bed and Nino realised there were two other people he had to forgive, for three years he had blamed Sakurai for bringing him the news, but it was only last year he had spilled everything out and said some awful things. Even then Aiba had stayed by him even when he had every right to wash his hands of the whole thing. He had always brought his friends Christmas and birthday presents but every year he had just left them in the bags refusing to move forwards this year with Matsu he guessed it was time to try. Aiba and Sakurai’s house was covered with lights and Nino wondered why the neighbours didn’t complain, he skidded on the path and Matsu had to catch his arm to stop him from skidding head first into the hedge. The gifts almost falling out of his grip, nerves knotted in his chest and he wanted to go home but instead he allowed himself to be almost pulled to the front door ringing the musical doorbell wondering how his oldest friend didn’t get sick of it. Aiba stared in amazement his hand on the doorframe, Nino gave a sheepish grin and held up the gifts “Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas” he mumbled Aiba slowly reached out to take them looking from Nino to Matsu with a slightly stupid dazed expression on his face

“Th-Thank-you…” he said

“Are you leaving us out here all night?” Nino joked shivering, though he was nervous remembering the last time he saw his friend. Aiba would be well within his rights to just slam the door shut in his face, Aiba didn’t do that but he did raise an eyebrow at Matsu though

“Who’s this?”

“My… Boyfriend” Nino mumbled looking at his shoes “Look it’s a long story and I’m freezing…”

“Ma-chan, are you staying out there all…” Sakurai said coming to the door looking at Nino at uncomfortably, “Nino…”

“Sakurai…” He mumbled feeling bad again, for three years he had half blamed Sakurai for telling him the news, even though Sakurai had only been doing his job. It must have been painful for him to being Ohno’s friend. “I’m sorry…” he whispered and was amazed when Sakurai wrapped him into an almost bear hug crushing him against his chest. At some point Aiba had put the presents down and joined in the hug crying furiously, Nino managed to untangle himself and took Matsu’s hand “This is Matsumoto… Ohno Jun… My boyfriend”

“Ohno?”

“He’s Toshi’s younger brother…” Nino mumbled his friends looked surprised but they moved aside to let them enter, Matsu gave a bow and followed Nino inside holding his hand tightly. The party was in full swing music playing from the speakers. Most of the guests stared at them in surprise and Nino had to admit that he had slept with most of them, he wouldn’t be surprised if they were taking bets on how long Matsu would last. Matsu pulled him into his arms hugging him tightly from behind swaying to the music “I guess I should be glad you haven’t tried to scent me” Nino sighed but leant against him happy to feel the his heart beating in time with his own. Matsu let out a laugh squeezing him a little tighter, and Nino had to admit he liked the way people’s eyes almost fell out of their heads as they looked at them

“Look mistletoe…”

“No way” Nino mumbled giving the offending flower a glare glad when Aiba called for him in the kitchen

“What’s going on?” Aiba hissed “Who is that guy?”

“Ohno Jun… But he uses his mother’s maiden name Matsumoto…”

“So he really is Oh-chan’s brother?”

“Yes… and before you ask we’re really dating… I know you think it’s weird but I do care about him…”

“Kazu…” Aiba started but then stopped and Nino knew that his friend was giving them a chance. Nino didn’t stay long, only for about an hour, that was how long it took before he got fed up with people looking at him and Matsu, and making bets as to how long they would last. Besides there was something else he would rather be doing

“I didn’t even get to kiss you under the mistletoe” Matsu almost pouted as they entered his apartment, Nino gave a laugh grabbing his hand, he knew tomorrow was going to be hard for both of them but right now he wanted to continue the high he was feeling, he pulled Matsu into the bedroom and lay on the bed pulling out some mistletoe that he had stolen from Aiba’s holding it above his head

“There’s a lot more interesting things than kissing you can do under the mistletoe” He said his eyes flashing teasingly, Matsu gave a laugh quickly kissing his lips a few times causing Nino to give a breathless giggle and moving the mistletoe around his body his eyes dancing as Matsu pulled his clothes off and kissing each spot he held the mistletoe over. “Are you sure I’m the only guy you’ve ever been with?”

“I’m positive… I wouldn’t be able to even get it up with another guy…” Matsu mumbled looking up from the nipple he was sucking on he hugged his waist tightly and kissed the centre of his chest a few times “I’ve made love to you a thousand times in my dreams though…” Nino laughed

“Thanks for making me the object for your masturbation…” He laughed rolling his eyes before he let out a soft sigh, fear invading his eyes again his voice that came out was soft and hesitant as he asked “Jun… Are you sure you want this… To be with me, what if one day you meet a girl you like…”

“Kazu, I’ve been in love with you for four years, I’ve met loads of girls I’ve liked but I’ve always stayed in love with you…” Matsu told him and kissed a path up to his lips, Nino looked up at him knowing that his cheeks would be a bright red, the waiter gave a laugh and quickly kissed him sucking and biting on his bottom lip, leaving Nino breathless as he pulled away.

“J-Un…” Nino groaned pressing his erection into the younger guys leg, Matsu laughed slipping his hand down to palm it over his jeans. The mistletoe dropping forgotten on the bed, as Nino wrapped his arms around his neck moaning softly in Matsu’s ear, making the waiters movements quicken in his excitement “S-stop…” Nino gasped “I want… To feel… You properly…”

“Me too” Matsu admitted and they made quick work of removing their clothes until they were both completely naked. There were still faint bruises on Nino’s body from the attack and Matsu kissed them all gently before taking the lube Nino had brought from his apartment and slowly prepared him. Nino felt slow tears roll down his cheek when Matsu entered him knowing that this wasn’t just a fuck they were actually making love. Like always Matsu hit all the right spots building the fire in his stomach quickly, he clawed at the waiters shoulder calling out his name as he slowly spilled over, Matsu kissed him deeply continuing thrust deeply into his trembling hole.

“I… Love… You…” He groaned releasing as Nino squeezed his ass. The fell into an exhausted sleep their limbs entangled on the bed. The next morning was Christmas day, and when Nino opened his eyes he was surprised that he didn’t feel the same sense of emptiness or loneliness in his chest as he had for the last three years. He felt Matsu’s arms move around him and he gave a smile looking at the way the soft light played about on his beautiful face. He stared like a moron, with what he guessed would be a sappy smile on his face, until Matsu frowned and let out moan, Nino looked away quickly, he already knew the waiter wasn’t at his best in the morning. He snuggled back up to his chest and closed his eyes tightly pretending to be asleep,

“Kazu… I know you’re awake” Matsu mumbled rubbing his arm “Are you alright?”

“Ye-ah… It’s actually surprising…” Nino said sitting up and looking at his hands, his guilt curling in his stomach now

“Kazu, don’t… Nii-chan… He would understand” Matsu told him taking his hands, Nino gave a small smile, nodding slowly, Matsu kissed his forehead lightly and then went to make breakfast telling him to lay in bed. Nino looked up at the ceiling until Matsu came in with a tray of food and coffee. They ate in silence both thinking of the day ahead. There were a lot of emotions inside them as they got dressed and headed to the graveyard. They stared at the stone and Nino reached to wipe the snow away from the name, Matsu hugged him tightly pressing a cold nose to his neck.

“What’s up with you?” Nino asked blushing faintly and burying his face against his chest, he still felt a little strange that he had somehow ended up dating Ohno’s younger brother he knew Aiba and Sakurai thought it was weird even though they hadn’t said so, but he suspected that Ohno would be okay with it.

“I love you” Matsu whispered kissing the top of his head.

“Me too” Nino mumbled, before twisting around to look at the stone again, reading the name printed there “I love you too Toshi” he voice shook slightly but there was no over whelming feeling of guilt anymore

“Me too, nii-chan…” Matsu told him “I promise I’ll look after Kazu”

“Hey, I’m older than you” Nino pouted but he had to admit that, that it felt good to hear that, “Jun… Can I have a moment alone?”

“Of course…” Matsu agreed immediately kissing his head again but going letting him go. Nino watched him with a smile before turning back to the stone he ran his fingers over the name in silence for a few minutes

“Toshi, is it really okay for me to date Jun?” Nino asked the stone softly not really expecting an answer, but feeling the need to ask “I do love him… But I still love you… You were one of a kind but so is Jun… I’m so confessed Toshi, I really wish I could hear you tell me that it’s okay…  I’m sorry that I was such a brat, I never really would have left you… Though I think if things had been different and I had met Jun in a different way… Things would have been even more complicated…” Nino sighed biting his lip, five years ago he had said ‘I do’ to Ohno and he had vowed to love him forever and he always would, but Matsu deserved the same devotion, he had spent four years loving him from afar “Why aren’t things ever easy? Toshi, you were right your brother is just as amazing as you are… I promise I’ll look after him… I love you Toshi…Merry Christmas” His voice broke and tears slid down his cheeks, but there was no guilt now just pure grief. Matsu was at his side instantly and Nino wondered how much he had heard, they held each other tightly letting their tears fall until they decided to leave, walking from the grave hand in hand. The snow fell down landing on Nino’s cheek making it look like he was crying snow tears and Matsu wiped them away gently causing Nino to smile and nudge his arm whispering “Merry Christmas, Jun”

“Merry Christmas” Matsu replied, Nino looked back at the gravestone, his heart leaping when he saw a thin shaft of sunlight, shining on the flowers they had brought, while a single butterfly with light blue wings hovered over them. Maybe it was just wishful thinking but in that one single moment Nino felt like he had been given his answer and Ohno was happy for them.

“T-Thank-you” He whispered and Matsu held him tightly as they watched the butterfly fly away knowing that neither of them would have to cry lonely snow tears again.

The End

A/N: Okay this ending sucks, next time I’m doing a happy OhMiya fic with lots and lots of fluff… L this is really depressing ne? but at least I finished it in time for Christmas eve and Aiba-chan’s birthday, hope you enjoyed ^.^

HAPPY HOLIDAYS  Hope everyone has a good one ^.^